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Part One Thom likes to have a good time. Especially at parties. He likes to get drunk and come on to everyone in sight. Everyone. Boys, girls, it doesn’t matter to him. He is usually too drunk to follow through with his propositions, anyway. Tonight , Thom and Colin are at a party together. Well, not really together anymore, because, while Colin has attempted to stay somewhat sober and is currently discussing music with a new friend, Thom is in the kitchen, being groped by someone named Julian. Thom is beyond drunk; he’s absolutely smashed. He can barely see, let alone compute what Julian is saying to him. Thom is enjoying himself, though, and pays no heed whatsoever to the promises he is making towards Julian; promises with which he will most definitely not be able to follow through. Julian, however is paying attention to these promises, and intends to act on them. He has a beatiful boy in his arms, and he doesn't intend to let him go any time soon. Colin rises from his seat to get a drink from the kitchen. He is slightly shocked by what he finds there; there’s a rather tall, good-looking boy leaning into Thom, one of his hands is in Thom’s pants, the other pulling gently at Thom’s blonde hair. Thom tends to prefer privacy for sex, but it doesn’t look like that’s what Julian has in mind. Colin sees this interaction in the kitchen and quickly exits. Thom doesn’t notice him. Colin promises himself that he will not worry about Thom, because this sort of situation occurs on a fairly regular basis. Not the whole sex-in-the-kitchen situation, but Thom simply hooking up with a random person. Five minutes later, Colin is worried, and wants to smack himself for it. He sees Thom and Julian leave the kitchen together. Julian has a wet smear down one leg of his red pants. Thom is stumbling, practically being carried along by Julian who clearly is not finished with his new friend tonight. Colin convinces himself that what is worrying him is that he has to leave the party soon, and he knows that Thom is too drunk to be able to find his way home. He convinces himself that all he feels is that he must take care of Thom whenever he gets drunk (which is often.) Colin convinces himself that he isn't feeling pity for Thom, who seems unable to find someone to be with for longer than one night (or even one hour), and he certainly isn't feeling any jealousy at all towards the current object of Thom's affections. Thom's affairs are his own business, Colin thinks. Colin has no right to feel so possessive of him. Colin's worries get the better of him however, and after a slight battle with his conscience Colin gets up from his seat and peers into the hallway. He needs to make sure that Thom is okay. When he sees the two men enter the bedroom at the end of the hall, kissing and groping. He pushes his worries out of his mind and turns back to his own drink and conversation once more. Meanwhile, Julian is laying Thom on the bed, kissing his neck and face. Thom has never been with someone so preoccupied with his face. Julian seems content to lavish all of his attention to Thom’s eyes, his cheeks, his lips. Thom doesn’t feel so good at the moment, though. The alcohol is getting to him, and he’s lying, sated, in Julian’s arms, barely able to respond to his touch. “Julian…I-” Thom gasps out. “I think you might want to stop. I’m starting to feel ill…” he trails off. Julian is unbuttoning his own pants. “Come on, Thom. Do this for me,” Julian is saying. He pushes down his pants, and straddles Thom’s chest. He pushes himself against Thom’s mouth, moaning. Thom opens his mouth, hoping to God that he doesn’t vomit on Julian. The room is spinning and he closes his eyes. But when Julian pushes himself into Thom’s mouth, his gag reflex kicks in, and Thom quickly pulls back. He leans over the side of the bed, thinking he’s going to throw up. Julian sighs and rubs his back. Thom stays that way for a minute until his vision steadies a little, and then lies back on the bed. “I’m sorry Julian,” he mumbles. “I don’t think I can do that right now.” “It’s okay,” Julian replies, settling himself back on Thom’s chest, pinning his arms to his sides. “But I still need to do something about myself.” He puts one hand on Thom’s shoulder to steady himself, and starts stroking himself with the other. “God, you're beautiful, Thom,” he says, his breath hitching. Thom is rather confused at Julian’s actions. His vision is blurred and his head feels like dead weight. His cheeks are flushed, his lips red and wet. Then he hears it. A knock on the door. ------------------------------------------ Part Two Thom freezes, a look of horror on his face. Julian isn't put off in the slightest by Colin's voice. He keeps touching himself over Thom's face, gasping, hips grinding into Thom, runnning the fingers of his free hand over the other boy's swollen lips. "Stop, Julian," Thom slurs. "Stop, please. I can't let him see me like this." Julian doesn't stop. Colin, in the meantime, is waiting outside the bedroom door impatiently. "Thom," he calls. "Are you in there? I have to go home now." Thom is desperate. The fact that Colin could come in at any second is making him feel even more nauseous than before. He squirms under Julian until one of his hands is free (this makes Julian moan even more) and then places it on Julian's thigh in an effort to get his attention. The man on Thom's chest is completely lost and when he feels Thom's hand against his thigh, he comes. Thom closes his eyes in shock. He feels the wetness spatter across his face and he knows he's going to be sick. He twists from under Julian and runs for the bathroom that is connected to the bedroom. From his position bent over the toilet, Thom doesn't hear Colin come into the bedroom. Colin is only somewhat surprised to find the tall good-looking "friend" of Thom zipping up his pants when he enters the room. He still blushes, though, and turns to leave. "Hi," Julian says. "You don't have to go. We're done here." "Er..Is Thom in here?" Colin glances around the room. Then he hears retching in the bathroom. Colin walks to the bathroom and looks in. Then he spins around to face Julian. "What the fuck did you do to him?" he demands, his tone switching from polite to dangerous in just a few seconds. "Nothing he didn't want," Julian replies haughtily. "He's a big boy, now. He doesn't need a nanny anymore." Colin advances on the other man, pushes him in the chest, and says, in all seriousness (though Julian has a good 30 lbs on him) "If you've hurt him, I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you." Colin is surprised, however, when he finds himself pinned to the wall by a pair of muscular arms. "Ooh, you're quite the scrapper, aren't you? Are you sure you don't want something else, dear?" Julian coaxes, grinding his hips into the those of the man he is holding. "You know, I could go for a bit of dessert now. Thom was a little...unresponsive tonight. We could have some fun, you and I. What do you think?" Colin glares up into Julian's face, disgusted. "Fuck off!" he spits. Julian rolls his eyes. "Your loss, princess," he snorts, letting go of Colin, who falls to the floor in a heap. But Colin is already up and in the bathroom once Julian has reached the bedroom door. "Thom? Thom, are you alright?" he asks, kneeling down next to Thom, who is sitting (well, laying really) against the bathtub. Thom nods weakly, but quickly leans over the toilet again. Colin reaches over and rubs Thom's back with his left hand. With the other, he reaches over to pull back Thom's hair, but he recoils a second later. Colin glances at his hand, and then back at Thom's head. He is somewhat horrified to find that Thom's hair and cheeks are covered in streaks of come. Thom leans back again and closes his eyes. His face pale, his hair sticking out in all directions. For a second, Colin worries that he's passed out, but Thom's eyes open slowly again, and he looks thouroughly embarassed. "Oh, Colin," he groans. His hand comes up to his face, then jerks back instantly.He glances at the white liquid on his fingers and looks to the floor, mortified beyond belief. Colin's eyes drop to the ground, as well. He hands Thom a towel wordlessly and stands by the door while Thom wipes the towel over his face. "Will you be okay for the walk home, or should I call a cab?" he asks mildly, eyes still bent to the ground. "I haven't any money for a cab," Thom replies after a long pause. Colin stops himself before he can let out a sigh. "I'll pay. Let's go." He turns and leaves the room without a backward glance at the man behind him, who begins to cry as quietly as he can into the towel. ------------------------------------------ Part Three Colin calls the taxi and says goodbye to everyone he knows there who hasn't gone home or passed out yet. He walks back to the bedroom where he finds Thom still sitting on the bathroom floor, hiccoughing, his face wet from tears. Colin tries to keep voice steady. "Thom." Thom doesn't speak, just stares at the floor with despair. "The cab's here." Thom takes a deep breath. There's a lot he wants to say to Colin; to explain. But he only asks, "Can you help me up?", looking up at his friend. Colin walks over to Thom and takes his arm, helping him up slowly. Thom puts his hand to the wall to steady himself on the way out of the house. When the night air hits him, the little blonde sucks in a sharp breath. He almost falls down the steps to the sidewalk, but Colin grabs him around the waist in time to catch him. Thom's shirt rides up slightly in Colin's grasp and Colin's eyes close for a second as he feels the warm skin of Thom's stomach. After a minute in the cab, Colin realizes that Thom isn't doing so well. Thom has unrolled his window and is taking deep gasps of air in attempt to steady himself. He seems barely aware of where he is. Colin leans forward urgently to the driver. "Can you stop the car, please?" He drags Thom out to the bushes by the sidewalk just in time. After he's finished being sick, Thom collapses on to the pavement, heaving with breath, more tears shining on his face. “How long are you going to be out there?” demands the driver. “I don’t know, I’m sorry,” Colin calls back to him. “Look, I can’t wait around all night.” Colin looks from the taxi to Thom. Thom is currently rolled up on the ground with his arms around his stomach. Colin looks around distractedly for a restaurant, a variety store, anything that might have a bathroom, but everything around seems to be closed. “Couldn’t you wait for a little while longer, please? He’s really ill…” “I’m sorry, son, I have a job to do. Are you going to get back in or not?” Colin rubs his hand over his face and sighs with frustration. Finally, he walks over to pay for the taxi. It's the last of his money. Once the car is gone, Colin goes back to Thom. “Now what do we do?” he asks, more to himself than Thom. "Do you think you can walk?" Colin asks Thom, pulling him up gently into a sitting position. Thom whimpers and clutches his hand on the collar of Colin’s shirt, curling his body towards that of the darker-haired boy. “Having some trouble, there, love?” Colin jumps as he hears a voice. He looks over his shoulder to find Thom’s friend grinning at him, leaning against a lamppost. Colin doesn’t want to ask this man for help, but when Thom whimpers again, Colin takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I think I should call someone to come and pick us up here. Thom‘s in a really bad way.” “Oh, I can see that,” Julian replies with a smirk. And for a second, Colin thinks that Julian isn’t going to help him. Then Julian points behind and says, “There’s a phone on the corner right there.” “Oh, right. Thanks.” Colin says, putting Thom down carefully on his side. He gets up and brushes himself off as he walks towards the booth. He reaches the door of the booth and is startled once more as Julian pushes it open from behind him and pushes him in. Colin is now jammed in the phone booth with his back pressed up against the receiver and Julian pressed up against his chest. Julian lifts Colin’s hair up with one hand and starts to kiss his neck. Colin tries to push him away, but the booth is so small, there’s no where to go. “Stop,” he gasps, the breath knocked out of him. “Let me go!” Julian pays no heed to Colin’s cries and puts one of his hands into the front of Colin’s pants, whispering in his ear, “Oh, I knew you'd be delicious…” and sucking and biting at his neck fiercely. Colin cries out desperately and, in a frantic attempt to twist away from his attacker, ends up putting his elbow through one of the small glass windows that line the walls of the booth. He gives a shout as shattered glass rains down onto the ground and Julian backs away hurriedly. Through the blinding pain in his arm, Colin’s emotions finally get the better of him. Without thinking, he grabs a jagged piece of glass from the ground and thrusts it towards Julian’s neck. “You-” he gasps at the pain in his elbow. “You stop it - right now. Don’t you fucking touch me.” Colin can feel blood trickling down his arm, but he doesn’t move to wipe it away. He looks at Julian as though nothing would make him happier than to shove the glass right into his throat. “Don’t ever come near me or Thom ever again, you bastard, or you’ll get what you fucking deserve.” “You’re crazy!” Julian cries out, looking absolutely terrified, backing away. He almost crashes through the booth’s door in his attempt to get out of Colin’s way. Colin sees him run down the street before looking down at his arm. His entire forearm is covered in dark red blood. Colin wonders who to call then - an ambulance or a friend to pick them up. Colin decides to call Ed because he lives the closest. When he goes to dial Ed’s number, Colin realizes that, not only does he still have the piece of glass still clutched tightly in his fist (which is now bleeding because of it), but his hands are shaking. He drops the glass, leans against the wall with all of its windows still intact, and rings up Ed. “Yeah?” Ed answers groggily after several rings. “Ed? Uh, it’s Colin. Listen, I’m really sorry to call you so late at night, but Thom and I are in some trouble. Do you-" he breathes in deeply. "Do think you could come and pick us up in your car?” “Jesus, Colin, it’s 3 in the fucking morning. What’s the trouble?” “Well, Thom’s absolutely dead drunk, he can’t walk or anything, and I haven’t got any money left for a cab…and I think I did something to my arm.” Colin hears Ed sigh in frustration. “Yeah, I’ll come and get you. Where are you?” Colin tells him. “I’ll be there in a minute. 'Bye.” Colin hangs up and staggers over to Thom, who is asleep on the sidewalk. Colin tries to sit him back upright, but cries out at the pain it causes his arm. In despair, Colin stays huddled next to him until he sees Ed’s car. “What the fuck?!” Ed cries out when he sees Colin’s arm. “You ‘think you did something to your arm’? What happened to you?” Ed comes over to investigate Colin’s wound. “You weren’t in a fight, were you?” He asks suspiciously. “I was defending myself…” Colin’s voice grows faint and he winces as Ed lifts back his hair to see the red marks from Julian on his neck. Ed looks surprised. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, and Colin knows that Ed isn’t talking about his arm. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine," Colin waves him off. But we need to get Thom somewhere he can sleep. I think he might have alcohol poisoning.” “Let’s get back to my place and I’ll call an ambulance. Will you be okay until then?” Ed asks anxiously. “Yeah, let’s just get out of here.” On the way back to Ed's apartment, Ed asks Colin again what's happened to him. Colin just takes in a great shuddering breath and starts to cry against the window. ------------------------------------------ Part Four The next morning Ed wakes up close to 9 o’clock. His back aches from a night on the couch. Now he wishes that he hadn't lent his bed to his "guests" last night. Once they got home from the hospital, Thom and Colin were so tired that they didn’t even protest when Ed opened his bedroom door and pushed them inside. Now Ed walks into his room and sees the too men (well, boys really, he thinks) who are presently asleep there, curled around each other like yin and yang. Colin’s hands are gripped on Thom’s shirt so hard, Ed wonders how Thom hasn’t woken up yet. Colin, however, slowly lifts his head once Ed reaches the end of the bed. “How are you doing?” Ed whispers to him. Colin shrugs, but Ed can see him wincing. “Do you want me to make you some breakfast?” Ed asks. “Though I doubt he’d want anything,” he gestures at Thom. Colin lets out a little snort, and for a second Ed can’t tell whether it’s in amusement or contempt. Colin leans over Thom and brushes his hair from his face and Ed suddenly feels like he’s intruding, even though he’s in his own bedroom. He turns to the door. “What do you want to eat, Coz?” he inquires before he opens it. “I’m not hungry,” Colin says quietly. Ed can tell Colin is still watching Thom, even though he's facing the door. “But thank you, Ed. Thank you for everything.” Ed leaves the bedroom and enters the kitchen. He puts on the coffee and sits down at the table with his head in his hands. He's very worried about Colin, not only because Colin still hasn’t explained how he received the wound to his arm, but because Thom is so oblivious to Colin's all-too-apparent affection for him. Meanwhile, in Ed’s bedroom, Colin curls up against Thom again. He feels the heat emanating from Thom’s body and finally feels safe. Last night, Colin had nightmares all night about being cornered by all the people he’s ever been afraid of. His father. Old school masters. Bullies that he thought he’d forgotten about (especially those ones that shouted "faggot" at him in the schoolyard or whispered it maliciously to him in the hallway.) Trying to clear these dreams from his mind, he nuzzles into Thom’s hair. He backs away quickly, though, when Thom stirs. Thom, ever so oblivious, simply turns over in his sleep, stretching out his arm to find the warmth that disappeared so suddenly. Colin backs into the wall nervously. (What will Thom think when he wakes up?) This thought leaves, however, when Thom’s hand grips Colin’s arm in order to pull himself closer to Colin’s small body. Thom buries his face in Colin’s shirt, sighing happily. Colin heart is pounding. He wonders if Thom can feel it. ------------------------------------------ Part Five Colin is enjoying having Thom’s face pressed into his chest. Thom apparently is enjoying it, too, because Colin soon feels something hard pressing against his leg. Colin’s face reddens as Thom starts squirming against his leg, rubbing up and down, pushing as close to Colin as possible in his sleep. Colin’s brain is stuck. Should he get up and prevent Thom from embarrassment if he happens to wake up now? Should he just allow Thom to keep doing what he’s doing? Or should Colin “help” him? But when Thom starts moaning quietly, Colin’s decision is made. He slides his hand down Thom’s body to reach into his pants. Colin breathes in sharply when his hands comes in contact with Thom’s erection, hard and hot. Thom moans even louder and jerks his hips towards the hand that is caressing him. Colin is amazed at himself, not completely believing what he is doing. He watches Thom’s face. The blonde boy’s eyes are closed (he’s still asleep) and his lips are wet and parted as he breathes more and more heavily. Colin is hoping that Thom will wake up. He finally realizes that he wants Thom to know how much he wants him; how much he cares for him; how much he loves him. Thom reaches out blindly, grabbing Colin’s hair and nestling his face in his neck. He’s choking and gasping now, and Colin knows that he isn’t going to last much longer. It’s only when Thom starts licking Colin’s neck that Colin realizes the other boy is awake. Colin is so scared that he tries to pull his hand away from Thom, but Thom grabs his arm to stop him from getting away. “Oh, god…” he moans quietly. His breath is coming in spurts, he is writhing against Colin’s hand, groaning incomprehensibly, and suddenly he’s coming hard against Colin. Colin’s eyes widen in shock and disbelief as he finally understands the words leaving Thom’s mouth: “Oh, fuck! Fuck…oh, god, Julian…” ------------------------------------------ Part Six Colin pulls back forcefully from Thom and sits up. He can feel the tears springing to his eyes already. He can’t believe Thom said that. All he wants to do right now is run out of the room, but his legs don’t seem to be working, and he finds himself simply staring at Thom in astonishment. Thom looks up into Colin’s face in awe. He wants to sit up to face Colin, but he’s in too much shock right now. Thom’s mouth is open so wide and Colin is asking himself why does he still want to kiss it? Colin closes his eyes. He can’t let Thom see how much he’s hurt him. Thom, meanwhile, can’t say a word. He’s absolutely stunned. He was half-conscious when he came just a second ago, but now he can’t decide whether or not he feels like he is wide awake or like he is stuck in some terrible nightmare. “Oh, Jesus, Colin. I…I…oh, shit…” Thom tries to say something, anything, but trails off when he sees tears leaking out of the corners of Colin’s closed eyes. Trying desperately to think, Thom sits up. With shame, he realizes that his pants are all wet down the front. “Colin, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says. He takes a deep breath and reaches for Colin’s face with his hand. The boy flinches out of his grasp. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear it,” Colin says, opening his eyes again. Wiping the tears off his face angrily, he goes to get off the bed. He can feel blind hatred welling up inside him. He doesn’t know whether it’s hatred for Thom or for the man whose name Thom called, and he doesn’t care. Thom grips his arm to stop him, but Colin gasps in pain and the blonde boy pulls away, confused. “Fuck you!” spits out Colin, spinning to face Thom, who cowers on the bed. “This is what your fucking Julian did to me,” he accuses, pointing to the stitches that now line his elbow. “What the fuck?” cries Thom. “What-what happened? Julian did that to you? When? Wh-Why?” He can’t understand what would have made Julian attack Colin. “He came on to me, Thom. And I said no. I said no and he kept going, Thom. What the hell kind of friend is he?” Colin is chocking back sobs, now. “He what? What? He wouldn‘t-” Thom looks so hurt and confused, Colin can’t believe it. “What, Thom? He wouldn’t do that with anyone else? Did you think he was only interested in you? That even though you sleep around a lot, no one would ever do that to you?” Colin knows that he’s taking this too far, but he can’t stop himself. Thom looks completely bewildered, eyes wide and wet, and for a moment, the darker-haired boy almost feels bad about hurting him like this. Then he thinks of Julian and sets off at him once more. “Did you really think Julian was different from all of your other conquests? Did you think that Julian wasn’t a slut, like you are? Did you think that he was in love with you?” Colin steps up to Thom’s face, leaning in close. “He’s a fucking whore. Just like you,” he whispers violently. Thom feels himself break. His body shatters completely. Tears are now running freely down his face, and he reaches for Colin again, wanting him to come to his senses. He wants Colin to comfort him, to tell him that everything he’s just said is a lie, he doesn’t mean it. But Colin jerks away from him, making a conscious effort to look as disgusted as possible. Thom gets the message, and his arms drop to his sides. His shoulders are heaving with each breath he takes in between sobs. He can’t stop crying and he collapses to the floor weakly. Colin walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him. When he turns around, he sees Ed looking at him from the kitchen, utter disbelief and horror on his face, Colin can’t say a word. He slumps against the wall and finds himself weeping, just as Thom is weeping on the other side of the door. ------------------------------------ Part 7 “Oh, Colin,” Ed says as he kneels to comfort the man crying against his bedroom door. “Shh. Don’t cry.” Ed really doesn’t know what to say at this point. He heard pretty much everything that Colin just yelled at Thom and he doesn’t know what words would be able comfort Colin at this point. He knows that as much as Colin wanted to mean what he said, he didn’t actually mean it. All Ed wants to do is help his friend. He’s sure that this is the first time Colin has ever said anything cruel to Thom before. As for Ed himself, Colin has only ever been nice to him and Ed wants to repay him for his kindness, finally. So, instead of telling Colin off like his mind says he should, Ed wraps his arms around the smaller man’s shoulders and pulls him close. He strokes his hair and tries to remember what his mother would do for him when he was upset as a child. “Do you want some tea, Coz? Or a tissue? Should I-” Ed’s sentence gets cut off by Colin’s hand over his mouth. “Don’t,” Colin chokes out. “I can’t…Jesus…” He tries to find his voice, but cannot. He just sobs inconsolably into Ed’s shoulder. Ed gently pulls Colin’s hand away from his mouth and leads him over to the kitchen table, where he sits him down carefully. “Hang on a minute,” he says softly to him and then leaves the room. When Ed enters his bedroom, Thom is lying on the floor, motionless, with his back to him. “Thom? Are you okay?” Ed asks the small figure quietly. All he receives in response is a quiet sob. He sees Thom's shoulders tremble slightly. “You know he didn’t mean what he said to you, don’t you?” "Yes, he did. It's true," comes the mumbled reply. "No," Ed says, more emphatically. "He didn't." Thom looks up at Ed from the floor. He looks completely distraught. “How do y-you know?” he stutters, breathing in gasps. Ed pauses, looking into Thom’s wet eyes. “He’s been in love with you forever. Didn’t you know?” he says, finally. “He didn’t mean what he said.” Thom sits up quickly. “But how do you know he didn't mean it?” “I don’t have to see it to know it. Can’t you hear him crying out there? I know he loves you,” Ed leans down to help Thom stand. He places his hands on the shorter boy’s shoulders. “You can’t just let this love slip past you. You have to forgive him. Love like his doesn’t happen all the time.” “You don’t think that this - this love is wrong? I mean, like, we shouldn’t-” “You’re best friends,” Ed interrupts. “You care so much for each other, and you’re completely smitten with each other. What could be more right?” More tears are running down Thom’s face. He tries to say something, but stops for a second, looking into Ed‘s eyes. “What is it, Thom?” Ed asks gently. “It’s just…this is all coming so quickly.” Thom lets out a halting breath. “I never knew he felt this way about me. I guess that if I ever saw a hint of it, I pretended I didn't know what it meant. I never really thought that I could be good enough for someone like him, so I ignored the signs. I mean, it’s true, what he said about me, even if he didn’t mean it. I’ve spent so much time sleeping with people who don’t care about me. I...I-” Thom starts to lose it. Tears are running down his face. “I guess I thought that he would never want to do that with me, so I may as well get it from anyone who seemed to want it. And now he thinks I’m a slut for it. And it’s true.” Thom’s body convulses with heaving sobs and he grabs Ed’s arms, crying into his chest. “Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I’ve made so many mistakes.” Ed pets Thom’s hair tenderly. “It’s okay, Thom. It’s okay. He loves you all the same. I know it. Just forget about everything that's happened before this.” He takes Thom’s arms and pulls him off his chest and grabs a tissue from a box on his desk. He wipes off the face of the boy in front of him and then smiles at him. “Come on. Why don’t you go and tell Colin what you just told me. I think he may want to apologize, too.” Thom only struggles a little, then quietly lets Ed lead him from the room by his wrist. Colin seems to have had a change of heart when Ed sees him in the kitchen. Rather than scowling at Thom when he sees him, as Ed expected he would, Colin walks straight over to him and steals him away from Ed’s grip. Thom looks as shocked as Ed when Colin grabs him. He can’t even speak, but looks back at Ed from over his shoulder as Colin pulls him back into Ed’s bedroom and shuts the door. Colin looked so determined that Ed doesn't bother to follow. He simply lets himself outside and goes for a long walk. Once in the bedroom, Colin pushes Thom onto the bed and starts kissing his neck fiercely. Thom is still utterly perplexed by Colin’s attitude, but doesn’t see very much harm in reciprocating, so he flips Colin over on his back and starts kissing him back, first across his cheekbones, then to his mouth. Thom realizes that this is his first kiss with Colin. He pushes his tongue inside to meet Colin's, and it’s so sweet and hesitant and tender; everything a first kiss should be. And Thom realizes, for once, he doesn’t need to have sex with Colin right now to know that Colin loves him. He can tell how nervous Colin is, how hard Colin is trying to please him. Thom knows that Colin is doing this all for him. And, in his heart, Thom already feels fulfilled. Thom leans back to looks at Colin again, studying the beautiful body beneath him. Colin doesn’t seem to understand Thom’s intentions, though. He looks at Thom with wide eyes and fear written all over his face, though he tries to hide it, and he slowly but deliberately spreads his legs. He takes Thom’s hand and brings it to the button on his jeans, then closes his eyes. “Go on, Thom. Do it, I need to show you how much you mean to me," he says pleadingly. "I'm so sorry for everything I said. Do this. Show me you forgive me.” Thom just stares at Colin in wonder. Colin is so selfless in his love. He is ready to give himself to Thom just because he thinks it is what Thom wants; what he needs. Thom can tell that it is not what Colin wants. His eyes are closed in trepidation and his breathing is slightly unsteady. Those eyes open when Colin feels Thom’s hand pull away from him. He sees Thom shaking his head. “No, Colin. We don’t have to,” he says. The look of confusion on Colin’s face tells Thom that he doesn’t understand. “But…don’t you want me?” Colin asks tearfully. He looks away. “I thought this was what you would want.” "Oh, Colin,” Thom sighs, rolling next to him on the bed so that he can look into his eyes. “I love you and I forgive you,” he says to him. “Do you understand? I don’t need you to prove it to me. I know that you aren’t ready for me to do that to you right now, and finally, I don’t need it either. All those other times, with all those other people, I needed to sleep with them because I couldn’t feel that they loved me unless it was something physical. But with you, it’s different. I’m happy just because I know that you feel the same way about me that I feel about you.” Thom smiles at him, feeling like he could almost burst for joy. Colin smiles back. After a pause, he says, quietly, “Thank you, Thomas.” “I love you, Colin,” Thom says in a whisper, though he feels like shouting it at the top of his lungs. He leans down to kiss Colin again, and then leaves a trail of kisses down Colin’s neck, his shoulder, his arm, and finally his elbow. He kisses along the arc that the stitches form and glances up at Colin. “I love you, Thom,” he states, as plain as day. Colin is holding back tears again, but he isn’t heartbroken this time. The End. |