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It Was On A Friday Chapter 1 It was a beautiful late summer morning. Hazy sunshine shone through the window of a certain house in a leafy suburb of Oxford. It tried to broach a gap in the curtains to reach the figure lying tangled amongst the sheets on the bed inside. Thom Yorke was in the middle of a dream. He stirred slightly, smiling. The door opened and Ed walked softly towards the dreaming figure. He stood for a moment in the quiet dim room watching Thom, whose face seemed very young and peaceful in sleep.He smiled fondly then shook him gently. " Thom. Thom wake up" He shook him a little harder. Thom turned over in his sleep muttering. " That's right Mr Carrot, get every bit of peanut butter". Ed sighed and changed tack. He leaned over and whispered ever so softly into Thom's ear. " Thom, NME are on the 'phone. They're doing an article on tortured rockstars. They want to know if you're still suicidely depressed..." Thom sat bolt upright in bed and grabbing one of his diamonte ballet pumps threw it past Ed into the hallway. "Tell them they can kiss my perfumed white arse" He screamed, "Bitches!" He began to hyperventilate, clutching the front of his satin negligee in panic, beating the matress weakly with his other hand. Jonny appeared at the bedroom door rubbing his eyes sleepily, woken by the commotion. He was wearing the pikachu sleepsuit that Ed had bought him for Christmas, his hair sticking up at the back in a fluffy sleep tangle. "What's happening?" he asked rubbing the knee he'd hurt, tripping over a diamonte ballet pump in the hall. He watched curiously as Thom flailed wildly about on the bed. Ed opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a paper bag. "It's okay Jonny", he said winking. "Thom's just a bit upset. He'll be fine". "Breathe Thom" he said putting the bag over Thom's mouth. "Breathe". Thom who had seen the wink watched Jonny through narrowed eyes as his breathing finally began to return to normal. Taking the bag away he snuggled into Ed's chest. "Thank you" he purred to him. "You're so brave and strong Ed, you always know what to do." Jonny stared hard back at Thom, then flicked his hair nonchalantly pretending he couldn't care less about Thom and Ed, and went to see if Colin would make him breakfast. Ed smiled indulgently at Thom and kissed him softly on the tip of his nose. "We'd better get you washed and dressed, we've got a big day ahead of us". "Will you shower with me? I still feel a little weak" said Thom falling back dramatically against the pillows, a glint in his eye. "okay" said Ed lifting him out of bed and carrying him towards the bathroom. "But I get to choose the temperature" "But not too hot" said Thom. "We'll see" smiled Ed. "We'll see..." ************************* Colin had just finished making breakfast for everone when Thom and Ed finally appeared downstairs. Ed had allowed Thom to wear his 'Swan Lake Barbie' t-shirt but had drawn the line at the matching hotpants and so a downcast Thom sat huffily at the breakfast table in pink brushed cotton cords. Jonny who was still ignoring him from earlier and who had been sitting at the breakfast table with his fingers in his ears to block out the sounds of Thom and Ed playing 'Hunt The Ducky' in the shower, made a big show of pretending Thom wasn't there. He leaned across him to reach the toast elbowing him in the chest. Thom squealed and hit him with his cereal spoon, getting Rice Krispies and milk in Jonny's hair. Jonny shrieked and slapped Thom, who then tried to nipple cripple him in retaliation. "Stop it you two!" shouted Colin pouring tea for Phil who just rustled his copy of 'The Times' in thanks. Colin gave both Thom and Jonny a look. "I've had enough of you two this week, we all have". Phil rustled his newspaper again in a menacing way to back up Colin's words. Colin continued. "Now we've got this gig coming up soon and you will behave. Got it?" "Yes Colin" said Thom in a singsong voice, fluttering his eyelashes prettily. Jonny just mumbled staring at his toast. "Sorry, what was that Jonny? Have you got something to say?" said Colin taking his 'kiss the cook' apron off and sitting down beside Phil. "S'ry" said Jonny moodily, kicking Thom under the table. "But he started it" he said crossing his eyes at him. Thom kicked him back on the ankle extra hard. " I don't care who started it" said Colin firmly, " I'm finishing it. Now eat your breakfast". ------------------------------------------ It Was On A Friday- Chapter 2 It was half an hour later. Breakfast finally over, Ed peered furtively out of the window, eyes darting back and forward over their neat garden. Colin looked up from where he was brushing the last of the Rice Krispies and dried milk out of a tearful Jonny's hair. "Are they still there?" he asked. Ed nodded, twitching the curtains. " There's still a few die hard journalists lurking around the rockery". Hearing this, Thom threw down his felt tip pen and left his colouring in to skip over to Ed. Ducking under his arm he slipped his own around Ed's waist, pouting at him in what he thought was a becoming fashion. "Why are they still here?" he asked nuzzling Ed's chest. " I don't want them here, make them go away". " They're here still hoping to talk to you Thom, about us quitting the industry". Thom dropped his arms and rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically. " God! What is the fucking problem?" he said skipping over to the mirror where he began to play with his hair. "Watch your language Thom" said Phil from somewhere behind the newspaper. Thom made a face at him in the mirror. " And don't think I don't know what you're doing" Phil added. Thom looked at Colin ready to whine but Colin merely gave him an exasperated 'Behave' look so he settled for muttering darkly to himself. Ed turned away from watching the pack of feral journalists in the garden. " It did surprise a lot of people when you announced we were quitting to become a wedding band" he said "Us for a start" muttered Jonny whose hair had been rescued and who was now applying 'Hello Kitty Strawberry and Kiwi Lip Balm' to himself and his mildy protesting brother. Thom ignored him and fluttered his eyelashes at his own reflection. "Well" he said "It's not like it wasn't obvious it was coming. I mean all those covers we started doing. We were fabulous. It was only a matter of time". He pulled his Barbie t-shirt tighter and tied it in a knot, baring his midriff. "Am I getting fat?" he asked. "Yes." said Jonny puffing his cheeks out at him. He stood up and walked towards Ed, looking in the mirror as he passed Thom. " Oh My!" he exclaimed in mock surprise " Look how thin and beautiful I am!" he sighed with regret and patted Thom's shoulder. " The world is so unfair, isn't it Thom? People like me can just eat and eat and we never gain a pound, then some other people...well..." he shook his head sadly and sashayed over to sit with Ed, making sure Thom had a good view as he lay on the sofa putting his head on Ed's lap. Ed smiled down at Jonny and began to unconciously stroke his hair. Thom looked at Jonny and Ed with jealous loathing. Spinning on his heel he tripped over to Colin who was watching the news and sat in his lap. He smiled wickedly at Jonny as he twirled Colin's hair around his finger. "What do you think Colin is?" Jonny called over sweetly. " A Speak-Your-Weight machine?". "No busloads please" he spat before Colin Could tell him off. "JONNY!" said Colin, shocked. " That's a terrible thing to say to Thom. Apologize at once!" "Yeah Jonny" said Thom curling his thin arms around Colin's neck and nuzzling his ear, " That hurt me deeply". He eyed Jonny's discomfort gleefully. " But I... he...!" "Apologize NOW!" said Colin " Or so help me I'll 'phone mum right now". Jonny got up huffing and puffing, and strutted over to Thom where he regarded him with a hostile stare. "I'm very sorry Thom" he said through gritted teeth. " You're not fat" prompted Colin. " You're not fat" repeated Jonny, his eyes unblinking, never leaving Thom's. " Satisfied?" he asked Colin sulkily. "For now" Colin answered looking at him disapprovingly. " You were brought up better than that Jonny. I'm disappointed in you". Jonny's face fell, stricken. He slouched over to the corner and sat in a sulk, silently applying 'Hello Kitty' glitter stickers to his guitar. A knock at the door made everyone jump and cut short Thom enjoyment of Jonny's misery. "That'll be Nigel" said Ed getting up and peering out of the window. " Yeah, he brought the people carrier round". Colin slid Thom off his lap and went to let Nigel in. "Ey up lads" said Nigel jovially. He noticed Jonny sitting alone in the corner with his back to everyone. " What's up with him?" he said nodding towards Jonny who had started whispering to his guitar. " Don't ask" said Colin wearily. " It's been tantrums and hissy fits all round since we got up. He looked at Thom. " And don't ypu sit there grinning Thom, you've been as bad as each other this morning". Thom scowled and stuck his tongue out. Colin lowered his voice and leaned in towards Nigel, "I think it's all the chemicals they put in the lip gloss". Nigel looked at him sympathetically, " We'll try and keep them apart today lad" he said. "Hey Thom!" he waved cheerily, " Why don't you sit up front in the car with me?". Thom looked up, his face brightening. "Oooh can I?" he asked grabbing his pink fun fur bolero. "Of course you can lad" said Nigel holding the front door open for him. "Can I change gears?" asked Thom hopefully. nigel coughed worriedly. "Um...We'll see how it goes eh?". Thom squealed, hugged Nigel hard and ran excitedly out to the people carrier. "That wasn't a yes!" Nigel shouted. ------------------------------------------ It Was On A Friday- Chapter 3 The glorius sunshine had disappeared and in the kind of turnaround that only the British weather can manage, the rain was pelting down from the heavens. It ran heavily down the windows of Nigel's people carrier as it made it's way through the streets of London. "I still say he shouldn't have bitten the poor man, he was only doing his job" said Colin looking up from his laptop and gazing at Ed who sighed. "You know what Thom's like Coz" he said. "The journalists shoudn't have pounced on him like that. You know he's twitchy about sudden movements... and then that guy ripped his jacket". "It's a bolero" said Jonny from the seat behind. "Jacket, bolero...whatever, it's a duster now" Ed said holding up the rag of pink fun fur that used to be Thom's. "It was an accident" said Colin reproachfully, putting a finishing touch to his 300 page discursive essay on 'The colour theory and recurrant themes present in Italian High Renaissance Art'. He sighed as he typed in a final footnote, it had been a worrying moment when Thom had skipped excitedly out to the car. The feral journalists spotting him traipsing happily down the path had descended like vulture and the ensuing struggle had resulted in a ripped pink fun fur bolero, the mother of all tantrums and a journalist on the way to hospital for a Tetanus shot and treatment for a deep bite he had received to his neck. The wound would heal, but Colin wondered if the man's mind would ever truly recover from the sight of a spitting mad rockstar in a barbie t-shirt lunging for him full of murderous intent. It would wake Colin a few times in the coming weeks, he was sure of that. "Accident or not, you know what Thom's like about unwanted physical contact." said Ed. Everyone fell silent thinking about this. Jonny unconciously traced a small but significant scar on his collar bone, "yeah" he said softly. Thom himself was curled up in the front passenger seat next to Nigel, slowly stroking his ear in peaceful sleep thanks to Mr Valium. The rain continued to lash the car as they glided through the wet streets. They finally drew to a halt outside a rather anaymous looking building in the Bloomsbury area. Jonny looked up from his Pokemon cards. "Are we there?" Colin unlocked the door and climbed out. " Yeah Jonny, come on and bring your brolly or you'll get your hair wet". Jonny just grinned waving his Pikachu umbrella, and clambered out after the others. Thom continued to sleep in happy, fluffy chemical dreams. No one wanted the job of waking him. "Just let him sleep" said Nigel. "We can just pick up his stage outfit for him". "He won't be happy" said Jonny twirling a length of chewing gum aroung his finger. He edged closer to Ed and smiled winningly. "Do you want to wake him?" asked Nigel. " No? Didn't think so" he said when Jonny just scowled at his shoes. "Let's go" He said locking Thom in the car and ushering everyone else inside. The Tailor hovered nearby as Ed turned this way and that infront of the mirror examining the suit he was wearing. "What's this blue silky belt thing?" he asked doubtfully pulling at a wide length of material around his middle. "It's a cummerbund Mr O'Brien, and it's not blue it's sapphire" said the tailor. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and consulted it, "As was requested by Mr Yorke in his brief" he said handing the paper to Ed who looked and it and sighed for the fifteenth time that day. "Do we have to wear the frilly shirt fronts Coz? " He asked sadly staring at the drawings. "It's what Thom asked for" said Colin coming out of the changing room wearing the same suit. He was secretly pleased with it. Phil had accepted it like most things and was nearby examining a display of bow-ties with interest. Jonny was refusing to put the suit on. Sounds of a struggle were coming from the fitting room as the tailors assistant tried to put it on him. "STOP IT!" Jonny's voice bellowed from behind the curtain. "Hey, hey, HEY! Don't touch that! That's MINE!!!!" Muffled thumps and the occasional muted scream could be heard. Finally a red faced assistant came out from behind the curtain. His hair was in disarray and his tie had been pulled eye wateringly tight as though someone had tried to throttle him. He walked straight to the tailor. "I refuse to deal with that...that...man any longer. You want the suit on him, you try it. I'm going for a cigarette." He clenched and unclenched his fists and continued in a slightly choked but unmistakably deadly voice. "So help me if I have to see him again I'll...I'll..." He stopped, stared accusingly at the rest of the band, spun on his heel and walked out without looking back. Colin found a crying Jonny sitting in his underwear and looking very small, huddled against the back wall of the cahngingroom. The offending suit lay crumpled on the floor. He crouched down and Jonny threw his arms around him sobbing into his neck. "Oh, oh Colin it was horrible!" he wept, " he tried to make me put that on". He pointed to the unfortunate suit. " I didn't want to but he just kept trying to force my legs into the trousers". He dissolved into unintelligeble sentences punctuated by sobs. "We'll all be wearing them though Jonny" said Colin gently stroking Jonny's hair. "Look" he gestured to his own suit, "IT's not that bad. Phil's got one too and Ed and Thom too". Jonny sat back hiccupping and wiped his swollen red eyes with the back of his hand. He looked at Cloin in his suit. "You look really nice Coz" he said trying a brave little smile, "Very handsome". Colin smiled and pushed the tear dampened hair away from Jonny's face. "But I don't want to wear one Colin. I saw something else that I want to wear and it'd fit right in. Colin, don't make me wear the suit. If you just have a look at the other outfit..." He lapsed into hopeful silence. Colin sighed smiling fondly at his little brother. " Okay sweetcheeks" he said laughing. "Let's go see the outfit you want then. Put your clothes back on". Jonny brightened up immediately, tears forgotten and threw his arms around Colin again hugging his tightly. "I haven't seen the outfit yet", warned Colin still smiling. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped Jonny's tearstained face. Finished he held it to Jonny's nose. ----------------------------------- It Was On A Friday- Chapter 4 Phil stood beside the rack of clothes, eyebrow raised, looking bewildered at Jonny's choice of outfit. "It's uh, well it's..." he said uncertainly. "Exactly" said Ed nodding, "It's.." he waved his hand vaguely and looked at Colin for support. Jonny looked from face to face, his own beaming with excitement, cheeks flushed. "I know, I know" he said. "It doesn't look much on the hanger but wait til you see it on! Trust me, you'll love it!" he looked pleadingly at the others clutching the garment tightly to his chest. "What do you think Phil?" said Colin at a loss. Phil looked startled. Jonny smiled beseechingly at him fluttering his eyelashes. Phil's mouth opened and closed uselessly a few times before he finally managed, "Let him have it if he wants" he said to Colin. Colin looked at Ed. " If it makes him happy, I've got no problem with it" said Ed eyeing the outfit warily. Jonny squealed and hugged both men before bouncing round to face his brother, looking at him with desperate hope in his eyes. "Colin?" Colin threw his hands up in the air. "What?" he said. " You know I can't refuse you anything. Go on, put it on and let's see". Jonny shrieked with delight, showering his brother with kisses and ran into the fitting room. The others stood shuffling their feets as they waited. "So..." said Colin breaking the silence, " That's a nice bow-tie you've got there Phil". Phil's hand flew to the sapphire silk bow-tie he'd put on with the suit and blushed crimson. "You think so?" he mumbled suddenly tongue tied. " I just thought..." "No really" said Colin giving it a gentle tweak, "It brings out the colour of your eyes". He paused smiling a starnge smile at Phil who deepened in colour, even the top of his head turning pink. Ed sidled away pretending to examine the wood panelling on the walls. "Thanks" Phil finally managed. Ed coughed and shuffled his feet breaking the moment. "Is everyone ready?" shouted Jonny from the fitting room. Colin tore his eyes away from a still pink Phil. "We're ready" he shouted back. The curtain was pulled back and an angelic vision of ivory silk and chiffon filled their sight. Colin's jaw dropped, Ed widened his eyes in genuine surprise and Phil looked more confused than he had all day. Jonny stood awkwardly like a child, suddenly shy. No one spoke. As the silence lengthened, Jonny's eyes began to fill with tears. " You all hate it" he said flatly. He covered his face with his hands. " God why do I have to be so ugly and fat?" he wailed. Ed was the first to move. Stepping quickly forward he prised Jonny's hands form his face. "No, no, no" he said softly tipping Jonny's face up so he could meet his eyes. "We were just surprised. You look...you look..." he groped around for thr right words. "Well you look amazing" he finished smiling. Jonny sniffed, " You mean that?" he asked in a tiny voice. He looked at the others. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better?". Colin moved forward and patted him on his bare shoulder. " Jonny you look stunning. Doesn't he Phil?". "Oh" said Phil, still slightly stunned. " Yeah, I mean...yeah, there's not many men who could get away with an ivory off the shoulder wedding dress. but you, you...I like your tiara mate" he finished with a weak smile. "Thank you Phil" said Jonny giving him a huge bear hug. "No problem mate", said Phil in a muffled voice, suffocating in Jonny's veil. Ed glanced sidelong at the two of them, noticing that Phil hadn't blushed at Jonny the way he had with Colin. He smiled to himself tucking the thought away for later consideration. Jonny stood back to look at himself in the mirror, twirling this way and that. He did look good, he thought. The ivory silk clung attractively to his slim hips, the back of the dress dipping to expose the soft curve of his back. The neckline was modest but suggestive at the front showing his collar bone to perfection. Ed eyed the tiny silk covered buttons that ran the full length of back of the dress down to the hem line, and looked away feeling strangely turned on. He shook himself out of a daydream and coughed. "We ah, better be getting back to Thom" he said guiltily. "He'll probably be waking up soon." "Yeah" said Colin changing out of his suit. Jonny took a last look at himself in the mirror adjusting his tiara. "Can I wear it home Coz?" he asked. "No" said Colin trying not to fall over as he took a leg out of the trousers. "It's for the gig, it'll get dirty. Take it off so the man can wrap it up." Jonny pouted and reluctantly began to strip slowly. Ed who had changed back earlier tried not to look at Jonny's soft pale body. "Ah, I'll just wait outside shall I?" he said steadfastly looking at Colin and Phil. "Yeah..." he swallowed a few times "...outside". "Before you go Ed" said jonny twisting about in the dress " Could you help me with my buttons? Ed?...Ed?". He turned but Ed had disappeared. ----------------------------------- It Was On A Friday- Chapter 5 The day of their first gig finally arrived for the fledgling wedding band 'On A Friday'. The weather was gorgeous, dappled sunlight filtered through the trees in the quiet yard of St. Aloysuis' Church in Oxford where a certain singer called Beck was due to be married in fifteen minutes. The nervous groom waited inside for his bride, quietly ignored by three fidgeting members of the wedding band who were due to play at his reception and who were repeatedly turning in their seats to watch the door. Ed however stood outside, more interested in his 'phone which he flicked shut with a weary sigh. He was hollow cheeked with fatigue, and his shoulders drooped sadly as he slid the 'phone back into his pocket. Taking a last hopeful glance around the silent grounds he trudged towards the cool dark of the church. Colin spun as if on a pivot as Ed made his way down the aisle to their pew. "Well?" he asked eagerly. "Did you get a hold of him?" Ed answered with a shake of his head, and sighed heavily again. "He's still not answering his 'phone", he said burying his face in his hands. "Where could he be Ed?" said Colin giving him a worried look. "We haven't heard anything from him since...well, since..." he trailed off with a sidelong glance at Jonny who was oblivious, engrossed in a magazine article about Gwyneth Paltrow's plans to take yoga to the starving of Africa. "...well since last Thursday" he finished lamely, looking away. Ed nodded gloomily, his heart heavy wondering where Thom was. His bed had been too big, too cold and too empty in recent nights. Colin and Ed sat in silence replaying that horrible Thursday over again in their heads. The morning fights, that incident with the journalist, sedating Thom, the suits...Ed shuddered as he thought of the sapphire silk cummerbund that was waiting for him...Jonny's choice of clothing for the gig, Thom's reaction when had woken up. Colin looked at the small bandage on his own ankle. The violence, the tears, The small bald spot Thom had inflicted upon Jonny and which was now gone, carefully hidden thanks to skillful hairdressing on Colin's part. Although Jonny's mental scars would probably never go away. The shouting, the swearing. More shouting and finally, finally Thom announcing that he hated them all, that they were jealous of his dancing, his hair and the fact that more girls wanted to sleep with him before he packed his matching Louis Vuitton luggage and swept out of the house with a two fingered salute. That had been just over a week ago and no one had heard from him since. Jonny looked up from Gwyneth's recipe for low-cal, low-carb muesli bars. "Is Thom coming?" he asked, hope brightening suddenly on his tired face. "I don't know Jonny" said Ed softly, " He won't answer his 'phone". Jonny's eyes darkened and filled with tears. He plucked nervously at his pearl choker, his voice wavering as he spoke. "This is all my fault, isn't it?" he asked, "because of my dress". Ed leaned over and gently wiped away the tears that had begun to spill over onto Jonny's pale tired cheeks, smiling sadly at him. "No Jonny" he said, "It's not your fault, Thom's been unhappy for a while, he was just feeling put upon. If it hadn't been this it would have been something else that would have set him off." Jonny looked from Ed to his brother and back. His lip shook as he spoke in a tiny voice. "I miss him. Why won't he come back? Doesn't he love us anymore?" Ed closed his eyes for a moment choking back a lump in his throat. When he opend them again he looked at Jonny's anguished face and his stomach did a small nervous flip. He looked so beautifully tragic, thought Ed. His dark eyes large, and liquid with hurt. His cheeks flushed with fresh tears, breathless and trembling slightly as he pulled at his cuffs with hands long and beautiful, marble pale and graceful. God, his hands thought Ed, imagining them running through his hair, touching him, caressing him. He tore his eyes away confused and feeling guilty about the tightening in his groin. He was glad when Colin moved to comfort Jonny, blocking his view and even more glad when a moment later the first bars of the wedding march struck up, waking Phil from the doze he'd slipped into and distracting everyone else. ----------------------------------- It Was On A Friday- Chapter 6 The buzz in the reception hall rose steadily as the guests filtered in from the dining room ready to get down to the serious work of getting inebriated on alcohol that someone else was paying for. The general topic of conversation was still the bride. No one knew who she was. No one had ever heard of her or had even known that Beck was dating her let alone planning to marry her. There was only rumour. It had been whispered that she was a woman with a past. A woman who turned heads in the street because of her amazing beauty. A woman who had travelled the world, been mistress to world leaders, writers, poets and of course rock stars. She was a woman, they said, who was worldly wise, exotic and alluring. Who had Beck chosen as his bride? The congregation had waited with baited breath when she had at last entered the church. Now, ceremony over his choice was being analysed at every table. "Well I don't know about you" said Colin primly on the stage, as he fussed with his amp lead, "but I think she looked a bit...common". "That thing she's wearing is a copy of a Vera Wang dress" said Jonny swishing past pulling on his arm brace which he'd covered in ivory silk to match his own dress. "Exactly" said Colin, "It looks cheap and nasty. It doesn't even look like real silk!". "Viscose" said Jonny knowingly. "No!" Colin picked up his bass looking scandalized. "Or nylon" Jonny added nodding sagely. "Does it matter what her dress was made of?" asked Ed coming onto the stage. " Her dress is the least of her problems" he added shuddering comically, "I'm mean I'm not a fussy man but WOAH! that is one ug-lee lady" Jonny snorted "Lady!" he repeated exchanging a withering look with Colin. Ed suddenly slapped a big smile on his face as Beck wandered up with his bride to the front of the stage, the gently stunned look of the newly married on his face. "All right guys?" he asked Ed stopped fiddling with his guitar and came down to shake hands with Beck. "Congratulations" he said, "and is this your lovely wife?". Beck's wife giggled shyly and gave Ed a playful tap that made his ears ring, she fluttered her eyelashes wildly at him. "I'm Candi" she growled in a curiously low voice. She seemed to have favoured a single band of green eyeshadow across her face as the winning look for her big day. It was worrying Ed slightly as was her muscular frame, powerful handshake and deep voice. Nevertheless... "Enchanted" he said, suave as always and kissed her peculiarly hairly hand. Colin and Jonny just waved from the stage. Phil pretended to search for a lost drumstick. "Where's Thom?" asked Beck glancing around hopefully. "I don't know" said Ed wearily, "There was a bit of a bust up...ah...oh bollocks. It was a stupid thing but suffice to say, you know Thom he took the hump and we haven't heard from him since. I don't know if he's coming or not, if he doesn't then I'll have to sing so he better get his skinny butt up here ASAP". He forced a laugh trying to appear unconcerned. Just as Beck opened his mouth to speak the doors of the hall banged open and Thom swept into the room. "Beck!" he called loudly, "Honey! Congratulations!". Beck and Thom air kissed as Ed stood with his mouth flapping uselessly. Thom wasn't wearing his stage suit with the frilly shirt front and 'sapphire' cummerbund. Thom was wearing a black backless Alexander McQueen dress that was slashed to the thigh, covered in twinkling jet beads and utterly fabulous. He had a black silk lily in his hair. "Catching flies again Ed?" he said planting a kiss on his lips as he passed to greet Beck's new wife. "Thom this is Candi, Candi this is my good friend Thom Yorke" said Beck. "Delighted I'm sure" said Thom, looking at her curiously. She looked strangely familiar but he couldn't quite put his finger on where he'd seen her before. "The same", said Candi flirting outrageously with him. Ed narrowed his eyes slightly and folded his arms. "I love your dress Thom" she said. "Yes, yes it is rather fabulous isn't it?" said Thom twirling. Colin and Jonny were staring motionless and silent on the stage. Phil stood up from behind his drums to get a better look and then sat down confused. Again. But, he reflected, he rarely understood anything that Thom did. "Well, better get on" said Thom in a breezy voice. "Or you'll have no dancing. See you later Beck darling". He nodded at Candi his smile slipping slightly, "Candi". "Ed sweetie, you'll trip on your tongue if you're not careful" he said as he sashayed past Ed and up onto the stage. He started to fix the height of his microphone stand as though he'd never been away. Jonny stood silent, still staring at him in shock. Thom calmly finished adjusting the stand and then turned as though just seeing Jonny for the first time. Jonny smiled, a small tentative movement. "You look amazing Thom" he said in awe, "That dress is fantastic". Thom smiled back angelically at him and said sweetly. "Your dress is lovely too Jonny, very floaty, very pale, very sheer. The way you can see your pubic hair through it is particularly fetching" ----------------------------------- Chapter 7- On A Friday The reception was going surprisingly well. On A Friday were halfway into their set and having a brief break in the performance. A debate had started on stage over the next choice. "Thom" said Ed in a low voice, pulling at the hated bow-tie which threatened to choke him to death. "I thought we'd talked about it weeks ago, we're not ready to do this one. We haven't practised it enough. You're still having trouble hitting the top note. Thom stopped fussing with the lily in his hair and peered at Ed over the top of his compact mirror. "Excuse me" he whispered roughly to him. " I do believe that I am the lead singer, and I like to think that I know my voice better than you. Stick to what you know Ed darling, playing guitar and 'Hunt The Ducky' ". Ed picked up his guitar, mostly to stop himself from strangling Thom then and there on the stage. "Thom..." he began. Thom snapped the compact shut and threw him a furious look, his voice sneering and deadly cold. "We are doing 'I Will Always Love You' whether you like it or not Ed, and if you want my arse in your face tonight you'll start playing right now guitar boy." Colin, hearing this looked over at Jonny who had his own guitar firmly clamped across the front of his very sheer dress and rolled his eyes. Ed shrugged, defeated and with a nod to everyone else launched into the song. Thom turned to face the audience, a small twisted smile of triumph on his face. His voice rang out across the hall. The general chit chat fell as he soared his way through the first verse, the sound heartbreaking and beautiful. Jonny watched him from his side of the stage, he was still reeling from Thom's earlier acid comment on his dress but as always, he couldn't help but be moved by his voice. He stared at the small figure transfixed. His heart ached, empty and raw at the knowledge that Thom was still angry with him. If only there was someway that he could make it up to him, some way that he could make Thom smile at him again. He missed his friend, he missed giggling with him, his soft baby hair that always stuck up in the morning and smelled like strawberries, sharing secrets, the quiet moments when the two of them would work on songs instinctively knowing what the other one was trying to achieve. He missed Thom falling asleep against him on the sofa, rubbing his eyes with his fists trying to fight it before succumbing finally, and burrowing into Jonny's chest making the little soft snores that always made Jonny laugh. The words of the song washed over Jonny, making his eyes sting as tears blurred his sight. He was so happy that Thom was back. He smiled sadly to himself behind his hair, he was willing to take any treatment from Thom, any words, even the harsh ones just to have him here in his world. His vision cleared and he spotted Candi at the front of the stage smiling and waving at Thom. She was flirting with him, blowing him kisses and lifting the hem of her cheap and nasty dress. Jonny's eyes flicked to Thom and his heart plunged icy cold into his stomach. Thom was flirting and smiling back at Candi. He winked lasciviously. It hit Jonny in a soul shaking instant just how much he loved Thom. He staggered as the unfamiliar grip of jealousy grabbed him, suffocating and overwhelming. It was an ugly feeling, bitter water filled his mouth. He felt sick. He inched his way dizzily towards the curtains at the side of the stage. Thom continued to sing, unaware of Jonny's pain. He was enjoying himself immensely, the effect his voice was having on the guests. He scanned the crowd as he entered the chorus, watching their captivated faces. He revelled in the adoration, feeling suddenly turned on, a growing heat under his dress which would be all too soon apparent. Ed would be getting lucky tonight, he thought with a wicked grin. His eyes swung back to where beck's bride Candi had been moments earlier flirting outrageously with him. She was gone, he couldn't see her anywhere. Thank god, thought Thom grimacing inwardly, she had been seriously weirding him out. He worked his way towards the infamous high note that Ed claimed he couldn't hit. I'll show him, he thought as he shut his eyes and went for it. The note rang out loud, clear and pitch perfect until Thom realised there was no music accompanying him. The band had stopped. Confused, Thom's voice cracked and broke into an ugly sound. He broke off, angry. "What the fuck?" he cried turning to Ed. "Why the hell have you stopped? I hit that perfectly until you put me off!" "Thom" said Colin from behind him. "Are you trying to make us look like complete fucking amatuers?" Muttering broke out across the hall. "Thom" said Colin again, trying to catch his attention. Ed was staring past Thom towards the other side of the stage. "And why are you just standing there not saying anything like a fucking idiot? Ed?" Thom stamped his foot. " Say someting goddammit!" "THOM!" Colin shouted throwing his bass down with a crash. "What!?" screamed Thom snapping 'round to face him. "What is it Colin? Hmm? What? What is so bloody important that we had to stop?". He suddenly noticed that the spot where Jonny stood was empty. "And where the hell is Jonny?" "That's why we've stopped Thom" said Colin angrily, "He's gone" "Gone?" said Thom blankly, ignoring the guests who were on the happy side of drunk and were watching this pantomime with great enjoyment. "Gone where?" "I don't know" said Colin worriedly pulling back the curtains, searching. "I saw him nip behind here, I assumed he was having a drink of water or something but he didn't reappear". "Oh for fuck sake!" said Thom dramatically, throwing his hands in the air. " That's just classic that is" He tutted annoyed as Ed and Colin went off to search for Jonny. He stared for a moment at the ceiling and sighed loudly before turning to the microphone. "Has anyone seen Jonny Greenwood" he said solemnly to the silent hall. "I repeat, we have lost Jonny Greenwood". "Check the bar!" someone shouted jovially from the tables below. Thom, enraged to breaking point by the whole episode and by the fact that his crowning moment was now ruined threw the heckler a look that could have started an ice age. "He doesn't drink you dumb fuck, which is clearly more that can be said about you." . He shot the man a last withering look before striding off the stage, ripping the glittering black lily from his hair. Phil sat alone on the stage staring at the completely silent and shocked crowd. He slid slowly from his stool and sidled shiftily towards the stage exit, his head shiny with embarrassment. something, he felt, had to be said, it's was after all only polite. "You've been a wonderful crowd" he muttered, "Thank you and good night". Thom met Colin and Ed in the corridor. "So?" he asked huffily, crossing his arms across his thin chest. "No sign of him" said Ed running his hands through his hair, he tried to put his arm around Thom's shoulder but it was shrugged of with a hostile stare. He stuck his hands in his pockets instead, and continued. "We checked the dressing room and the toilets, he's not there". "He's not in the main hall either", said Thom angrily " I asked.". He played with the beads on his dress, irritated. "What the fuck does he think he's playing at?" "I'm worried about him" said Colin in a strained voice to Ed, ignoring Thom. "Worried!?" shrieked Thom accidentally ripping some beads off in anger. "Why? He's the one that should be worried when I get my hands on him". "Thom", said Ed trying to be the grown up for what felt like the hundredth time that month. He pulled at the horrible cummerbund he was wearing, "When has Jonny ever just left the stage for no reason?". "your point?" said Thom, trying his attitude face turned up to 11. "My point is" said Ed heavily, "That he's never just walked off. He's played through illness before, even that time he was spewing everywhere after you'd put anchovy paste on his sandwiches and he'd swallowed half of it before he realised what it was." "That was you?" said Colin narrowing his eyes. Thom shrugged uncomfortably before airily waving his hand as if dissipating the guilt. "He'd been pissing me off all day". He said as if this was reason enough. "Yeah but..." Colin started. Thom's eyes widened in irritation, "But Colin" he whined. "He'd worn my black Jimmy Choo's to a garden party. A garden party!. There was mud all over them, they were ruined! Anyway" ha waved airily again, " He recovered". "Yeah, no thanks to you. He thought he had food poisoning". "What-e-v-e-r" said Thom rolling his eyes at Colin. He opened his mouth to point out all the tricks that Colin had ever pulled on Jonny when he was interrupted by Beck running up the corridor, his face frantic. "Thom! Thom!" he shouted breathlessly. "Have you seen Candi? I can't find her anywhere, she's disappeared. Colin, Ed and Thom looked at each other, horror dawning on their faces. "Oh shit". ----------------------------------- Chapter 8- On A Friday Ed paced around the dressing room; he’d finally managed to lose the hated bow tie, cummerbund and frilly shirtfront. His collar was undone and even his hair looked stressed. His face was set as he tried to get his head around what was happening. Beck was sitting in a chair, pale and trembling being comforted by a fussing Thom who had found an apron somewhere and was playing nurse. ‘Well it’s obvious what’s happened isn’t it?’ Beck said dramatically. ‘Jonny’s run off with my Candi’. ‘Oh come on!’ said Colin looking up in disbelief from where he was raking through Jonny’s belongings in vain hope of finding a clue as to his whereabouts. ‘He was eyeing her up from the stage’ Beck said peevishly. ‘I’m sure of it.’ Thom passed him a cup of tea and ruffled his hair. ‘Now, now’ he cooed stroking Beck’s cheek. ‘Why would he do a thing like that?’ ‘Because he’s a whore!’ shouted Beck suddenly losing all control and upsetting his tea all over himself. Dislike puckered his face. ‘A strutting, preening, talentless WHORE!’ he roared. ‘How dare you!’ shouted Colin dropping Jonny’s Pokemon cards in anger. ‘He’s not talentless’ said Thom vaguely, trying to mop tea from Beck’s lap with his apron. ‘He makes a lovely mushroom risotto’. ‘Fuck his mushroom risotto!’ screamed Beck, smacking Thom’s gently groping hands away and standing up. ‘Ooooooh I’m Jonny’ he said in a falsetto voice prancing about foppishly. ‘I’m tho thin and thexthay. I’m beautiful, everyone must fancy me’. His voice turned harsh. ‘I’m so gorgeous I can’t keep my slag hands off other people’s women’. Colin stood up from amongst Jonny’s things, fury radiating from him. He crossed the room in a second and slapped Beck, a ringing blow across the face. ‘You absolute cow’ he said shaking with indignation. ‘More likely your hag of a wife kidnapped my brother!’ Beck held his cheek and stared silently as Colin continued, magnificent in his anger. ‘Jonny would never sink so low that he would be resigned to women as hazardous to the eye as your ‘bride’. You’d have to be pretty fucking hard up to touch that one with a ten-foot barge pole. Phone sex operators hang up on her.’ Beck’s hand dropped to his side as he sagged back into his soggy chair. Colin’s hand imprinted in fiery red on his face. He looked up sadly. ‘I’m sorry’ he said quietly. ‘I just don’t know what to think. I didn’t mean all that about your brother’. He looked at Colin imploringly. ‘You know I like Jonny. Hell there was even that time at my album launch when me and Jonny fu . . .’ he coughed. ‘Um . . .when we got drunk and had a really interesting . . .conversation’. ‘A conversation eh?’ said Thom, eyes narrowed suspiciously. He removed his hands from where they’d been massaging Beck’s shoulders. ‘Yeah’ said Beck vaguely. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry Colin.’ Colin looked at him, lips still thin with anger. He sniffed and folded his arms. ‘Yeah well, just watch what you say about my baby brother’. A knock at the door stopped Colin from further threats. All heads snapped around as it opened. A small thin lady in her forties popped her head around the edge. ‘Ah, hello. Yes. Excuse me for interrupting.’ She said. ‘But I do believe that you were looking for your guitarist. I heard the announcement in the hall. I work behind the bar’ Colin dragged her bodily into the room. ‘Have you seen him?’ he asked urgently. The woman nodded. ‘I was outside making a phone call when your guitarist and the bride came running out and got into a taxi.’ Everyone stared at her silently. An eternity seemed to pass. Eventually in a higher than normal voice Colin spoke. ‘And both of them seemed fine?’ he asked incredulously. ‘I mean, Candi wasn’t pulling Jonny into the car, over powering him or…or…anything? Y’know like threatening him or using a weapon…or…anything?’ he added hopefully. ‘No’ said the woman shaking her head and eyeing Thom’s dress disapprovingly. ‘Not as far as I could see. They were just holding hands.’ ‘SEE!’ shouted Beck suddenly making everyone jump. ‘I knew it!’ He pointed a shaking finger at Colin. ‘WHORE! Your whore brother has stolen my bride’ Colin, pale and shaken opened his mouth and shut it again looking suddenly like a little lost boy. Ed moved over to him and pulled him in close. ‘The bride was giggling’ said the woman enjoying the drama. ‘What?’ said Beck blankly, turning to her as if just seeing her for the first time. ‘I said the bride was giggling. She felt your guitarist’s arse as he got into the taxi.’ The woman looked defiantly at Beck as if pleased by her own daring. ‘How dare you. You old bit of baggage!’ frothed Beck. ‘And I suppose Jonny was shouting for help?’ The woman stared at Beck with distaste, ruffled by the ‘old bit of baggage’. ‘No’ she said smoothly ‘He just seemed a bit dazed. He was smiling in an odd faint kind of way.’ ‘Maybe he couldn’t believe his luck’ said Thom acidly, feeling decidedly left out of all the drama. ‘What with landing such a prize’ Beck spun around and grabbed the front of Thom’s dress pulling him nose to nose. ‘Enough from you Yorke’ he growled looking more and more unhinged. ‘I saw you flirting with her too. You’re just pissed that Jonny got there first.’ Thom bristled and pulled away from Beck, furiously fixing his neckline. ‘I don’t take anyone’s seconds’ he shouted shrilly. ‘I have a man’ he said pulling Ed close to him. ‘I don’t want yours’ Beck staggered as though physically struck. ‘Man!?’ he shrieked, eyes rolling in his head. ‘Are you calling my Candi a man?’ ‘If the shoe fits’ said Thom burrowing into Ed’s chest and smiling slyly ‘Or should I say, if the size 13 shoe fits’ ‘I don’t have to listen to this!’ screamed Beck. ‘You fuckers! I’ll find Candi and then I’ll punch Jonny’s lights out’. He straightened his still damp clothes in a effort at dignity. ‘Bastards’ he muttered. Ed spoke up finally. ‘And how are you going to find them on your own?’ he raised his eyebrows, ‘Hmm? You don’t know Britain Beck. You’ll get lost. We’re all worried. We need to work together.’ ‘Work together?’ snorted Beck. ‘We don’t know what the situation is or who ran away with who. What I do know is that I’m worried and I want to get to the bottom of this. We need to speak to both of them’ said Ed. ‘I intend to do just that, now you can scrabble away on your own in an unfamiliar country or we can pool our resources and find them quicker. Which is it to be eh?’ Beck sat back into his soggy seat again. ‘When did you become the sensible one Ed?’ he said in a low voice. ‘I thought that was Phil’s job’ ‘Where is Phil anyway?’ asked Thom suddenly, realising the drummer was missing. ‘Don’t tell me he’s run away with the bloody best man or something.’ |